President Bush has asked me to form a Pabst Blue Ribbon Commision of Intellectual Heavyweights to study and consider what is likely to be head asshole Bin Laden's next move to fuck up America. Bush told me, "Pope Scum, I need the smartest people in America working on this problem starting now. Your work with Mentors and Kill Allen Wrench shows your IQ level is very high. Bin Laden is no dummy. He was smart enough to fly not one but two planes into the towers and we had no idea that he could even think of such a thing. We must figure out his next move and prevent it, it is a National Security Emergency! I do have Condoleeza and the others working on this problem, but I need a Top Notch outside team looking at this issue as well. As a nation, we cannot afford to fail!"
I told President Bush, "Mr. President, thank you for this priviledge. I have been awaiting a call like this for months. Now I am amped up and ready to get going. I will form my Commission with other heavyweights whom I have already been discussing this matter with : Stephen Hawking, Bobby Fisher, H. Ross Perot, Fred Durst, Allen Wrench, and Lee Iacocca.
We have some ideas on what this prick might be up to. First of all, we think he might try to work with birds. I know he saw the movie the Birds at one time and if he infects a lot of birds and then turns them loose, that could spread disease big time. The obvious stuff like bombing planes cannot be discounted. Contrary to the media, I do think he was behind the Anthrax mailing and that he was just fine tuning the disease in a trial promotional mailing. The next time he will probably get it right so we need to inoculate for that right now. I told Bush, we need to get on the offensive with this prick. We should be flying a B52 plane straight into the center of the rabid anti women cult of Islam, the Kabahh. Blow the whole damn thing up right now. And invade Saudi Arabia and nationallize the oil in the US name. Show the idiot we can play by his rules too.
Bobby Fisher volunteered this bit of wisdom : "Our enemy will hide in plain sight. We need to incarcerate the Nation of Islam and any basketball player with a Muslim name, like Kareem Abdul Jabbar. The pricks will bounce a nuclear weapon like a basketball during a championship game and blow up the whole deal."